A new year begins and with it my desire to achieve new goals and solve new challenges, honestly I have been very terrified by all the incredible and unpleasant things that have happened to me, last year along with 2023 were painful processes, but also hopeful. This is my last semester in college, finishing my career I don't have much hope in working in something related to what I study, I think I really want to be an artist and apply the knowledge acquired in my student process. A very important person for me told me that I wanted to be a 2D animator, I was so impressed by the world of animation that I also wanted to try, but... Obviously it is not something that can be achieved overnight. Every day I ask myself what I want to do, I don't know if I want to get married, I don't know if I want to work hard or work little, I don't know if I am human or just another organism. I have wasted so many opportunities, I lived for years despising myself day by day, not being enough is what has killed me the most inside, I used to cry every day until one day I stopped crying, I could no longer bear the burden, the tears did not come out and it was clear that it was worse not to cry. It was like being dead in life. In real life I am a positive person, I like to make others happy, but it took me a while to realize that this is not the same as pleasing others to the point of denigrating yourself, I drowned in that feeling of loneliness and lived in the past, in a happy memory and a dead hope. When I turned twenty, one day I woke up and out of nowhere I said “wow now I am an adult, I am human”.
Anyway, I apologize a lot... I was just trying to vent all my frustration. This post is for the purpose of seeking advice from artist to artist... I would like to grow as an artist, freelancer type. I make commissions but I don't know if it's enough, I don't know which way to go, plus 60% of my illustrations are nsfw even though I draw everything, but people won't get me out of it :c
Help!!!
Translated with DeepL.com (free version)
Empieza un año nuevo y con este mis ganas de alcanzar nuevas metas y resolver nuevos desafíos, honestamente he estado muy aterradada por todas las cosas increíbles y desagradables que me han ocurrido, el año pasado junto con 2023 fueron procesos dolorosos, pero también esperanzadores. Éste es mi último semestre en la universidad, terminando la carrera no tengo muchas esperanzas en trabajar en algo relacionado a lo que estudio, creo que en realidad quiero ser una artista y aplicar los conocimientos adquiridos en mi proceso de estudiante. Una persona muy importante para mi me dijo que queria ser animador 2D, me impresionó tanto el mundo de la animación que también quise intentar, pero... evidentemente no es algo que se logre de la noche a la mañana. Todos los días me pregunto a mi misma que es lo que quiero hacer, no se si quiero casarme, no se si quiero trabajar mucho o trabajar poco, no se si soy humana o solo un organismo más. He desperdiciado tantas oportunidades, viví por años despreciándome a mi misma día a día, no ser suficiente es lo que más me ha matado por dentro, solia llorar todos los días hasta que un día deje de llorar, ya no podía más con la carga, las lágrimas ya no salían y era claro que era peor no llorar. Era como estar muerta en vida. En la vida real soy una persona positiva, me gusta mucho hacer feliz a los demás, pero tarde en darme cuenta que eso no es lo mismo que complacer a otros hasta denigrarte a ti mismo, me ahogaba en esa sensación de soledad y vivía en el pasado, en un recuerdo feliz y una esperanza muerta. Cuando cumplí veinte años, un día desperté y de la nada dije "wow ahora soy una adulta, soy humana".
En fin, me disculpo mucho... sólo intentaba desahogar toda mi frustración. Éste post lo hago con el propósito de buscar un consejo de artista a artista... me gustaría crecer como artista, tipo freelancer. Hago comisiones pero no se si es suficiente, no se que camino seguir, además que el 60% de mis ilustraciones son nsfw aunque yo dibujo de todo, pero las personas no me sacan de ese tema :c
Ayuda!!
CTheHouses
I see that you have used a translator for this, so I will not make this comment too philosophical as I have done with other ones I’ve written before.
First, do not think about yourself as if you were nothing until proven otherwise, as that mindset will deter you, one way or another, just like it has for countless of other victims of it. It originated from people whose goal was to be the greatest of all time, but was slowly turned into a psychological weapon, until it reached the state it is at now, in which, if your name isn’t along the greatest people to ever live, then it will be lost to time, and you will be remembered as an insignificant being, if someone even remembers you.
You were always human. They are always human. And such will never change.
Second, don’t torture yourself by thinking of a past you once had, or a distant future that could slowly drill your mind to pieces. Think in the present. What You are now. What do you want to do? What do you think will make you happy? Enjoy life as it goes by, the past has left and will not be changed, and, as long as your future doesn’t involve you in a dumpster with your pockets empty, you may slowly build yourself a joyful life, one you don’t hate yourself too much for.
Hey, maybe even use the money from a job you don’t hate to continue on your artistic journey! Just, don’t die bankrupt, ok?
Third, you’ll have to slowly get better and better on your journey to become, well, whatever type of artist you want to be, whenever it is a Disney animator or an indie idol. it’ll take time, but if you go the right direction and try not to stop advancing too much, you’ll eventually get there. remember, practice on the things you aren’t yet good at, learn as much as you’ll need, try to open yourself to bigger and bigger projects when you’re ready, and have a plan to kill everyone you- wait, wrong script. Sorry.
And lastly, yeah, the Doctor Everyone-Who-Knows-A-Lot-About-Artists says that people only wanting NSFW from you is a symptom of making said art in the first place. Don’t worry, you can heal from it by either making better SFW art than NSFW art (which is sometimes really hard, but in the end is a better option when you’re trying to get better at art considering SFW isn’t as limited as NSFW and will always eventually be better) or… well… stopping, limiting or slowing down the production of it.
I hope that this is more helpful than harmful to you, although I’d prefer it not to be harmful in the first place, heh. This is some of the advice I have gotten through the years, although some of it doesn’t really fit someone like me.
Also if you wanna, listen to the song Memory Of Life by Shogo Sakai. So if everything else didn’t get to help you, at least I still give something to remember.
remember, remember…